EyePet, this cute little monkey type furby thing with big ears… You know, I have absolutely no idea what it’s meant to be, but even with the risk of shattering my non-existent tough guy image I have to say that it’s still really cute. Anyway, as I was saying… What? Now it’s hopping around trying to get me to play with it? Ok, just for a few minutes.

….

Damn loveable monkey thing!

Right, let’s get back to business. EyePet, the PS3’s new virtual pet, will be out on 23 October here in the UK – which has only just recovered from the great Furby invasion of the 1990’s (the things I saw in those years, Furby’s taking over entire towns and enslaving their populations. Those times are far too horrible to talk about) – so you can stop watching videos and actually play with the thing yourself pretty soon.

Oh, go on then, here’s one more video. Well, actually it’s above this post so you’ve probably already clicked on it, but for those of you who didn’t then I’m politely asking you to continue to read until the end of this post.

Still with me? Good, let’s continue. EyePet makes use of the PlaystationEye (yes, it IS actually useful for something), meaning that the monkey hybrid thing will appear on whatever surface you have the camera pointed at (it won’t actually appear in reality of course, but it will on your TV). You can then interact with the pet, such as reacting to a tickle, or scaring it when you make a loud clap. There are far cooler things you can do with it of course, such as drawing an object on a piece of paper, holding it up to the camera and having the pet draw a copy. If, for example, you draw the parts of a plane then a plane will appear and the pet will take off with a cackling laugh. You will then never see the pet again, and you will be about £50 out of pocket. Ok, the last part doesn’t happen but there are still plenty of things to keep your kids happy with. There will also be a wide range of customisable options; such as changing the colour of your pet’s fur, or dressing him up in cute little outfits.

Although I begged for one for months I never had a Furby, and I was always a bit sad that I missed out on that craze. Maybe I can relive my childhood fantasies with EyePet, even if it is just a virtual monkey thing on my TV screen.

Because I’m nice you can have one more video. This one is a developer giving a demo, so it actually shows how the game works and doesn’t just throw a cheesy promotional video at you.

(Image source)

I am now about to present you with a shocking fact…

There are only 14 shopping days left until Christmas.

Scared yet? I know I am. I haven’t even bought one Christmas present yet, and I have no idea what to buy for half of my family. I usually go under the mantra of “If in doubt, buy a DVD” because clothing is a no-go, especially when it comes to picking something I think a woman would wear.

Anyway, don’t fret, here’s some help with what to buy for any Wii loving friends.

Mario Kart Wii (with Wii Wheel)

Mario Kart Wii may not come on in leaps and bounds over its predecessor - Mario Kart 64 - but it’s still a fun package for all the family. The Wii version does - for some strange reason - add motorbikes into the mix. Plus, you’ve also got the online mode; unfortunately marred by Nintendo’s stone age friend codes, meaning that you’ll have more fun with local multiplayer. Where’s the fun in racing if you can’t trash talk with random strangers online?

Super Mario Galaxy

Take Mario on a trip around the galaxy in one of the Wii’s best games and - yes, that word again - a pure essential. The Wii Remote works perfectly with this entry into the Super Mario series, and the glorious graphics ups the charm to maximum. Did I forgot that you can also become a bee? Well, yes, you can!

Super Paper Mario

Ok, I promise that this is going to be the last game on the list that Mario appears in. Still, this entry absolutely needs to be mentioned. Take Mario on an RPG style adventure with a humorous storyline and oodles of bizarre characters. It won’t be the hardest game you’ve ever played, but it will surely entertain you over the Christmas period.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Ok, I lied in the last entry. Mario does appear in this game, but thankfully you can beat the living daylight out of him. This excellent fighting game is a blast to play with friends, even if the game includes an online mode. Nothing can beat trash talking with people in the same room, but try to keep flying Wii Remotes at a minimum. There’s also a horde of your favourite characters appearing in this game; including Pikachu, Donkey Kong, Kirby, Link and even Solid Snake.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Wii launch title (it also came out for the Game Cube) is still the best RPG the Wii has to offer, but there’s not really much in the way of competition. Until Nintendo get around to creating another Link adventure this game will have to do, but that’s by no means a bad thing. It’s also pretty long, so you can save some pennies in the long-run by not completing it too quick. Is that the best thing I could come up with? Sigh, it’s absolutely brilliant anyway.

Animal Crossing: City Folk

While it may not be that much different from the DS version, Animal Crossing: Wild World, it’s still a pretty great way to waste hours of your life. For those new to Animal Crossing then this is a Wii essential, but don’t blame me when it comes with a completely pointless WiiSpeak microphone. Oh, you may also want to skin Tom Nook alive - but who doesn’t? As for me, I’m still addicted to the DS version.

My Sims Kingdom

If your kids have become bored of Animal Crossing then this is an excellent alternative. Not only does it bear the name of one of the most successful franchises of all time, it’s also a pretty entertaining game to boot.  The aim is to help the king rebuild is kingdom, so you’ll be doing a lot of re-building of objects like in the inferior predecessor, MySims. If you’re short on pennies then the first game in the series isn’t awful, but you’ll be missing out on a king, damn it!

Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles

It’s pretty much the first Resident Evil re-told, but on rails and plays best with a light gun. This is pretty much one of the only games (bar the game below, and House of the Dead) where the Wii Zapper is actually worth paying for, simply because you get to shoot zombies in the face. I’m a great critic, eh?

Link’s Crossbow Training (with Wii Zapper)

This game was pretty much created solely for the Wii Zapper, so you’ll be thankful to know that the game actually comes with the peripheral. This is one addictive arcade shooter, and perfect for kids who aren’t old enough to shoot zombies in the face (”…but!” they cry “how will they defend themselves against the inevitable zombie apocalypse?” I’ll tell you how - not with a plastic gun!).

Boom Blox

Yes, Steven Spielberg helped create this game; but don’t buy the game solely for that fact as you’ll be seriously confused as to why Steven Spielberg is helping create a game about knocking over blocks. Forget Saving Private Ryan, this is the highlight of Steven’s career!  Anyway, this will keep you tremendously busy as there’s 300 levels to play through in four different modes (single-player, multiplayer, co-op and competitive). Plus, you get a level editor.

de Blob

The aim of de Blob is to guide your ‘blob’ around and re-paint and barren dull city. It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s tremendously fun and you’ll waste hours trying to paint every last thing. There’s also a split-screen multiplayer so a friend can help you paint the city when you really should be re-painting the bedroom.

Okami

If you missed this on PS2 then you missed one of the most beautiful games available. Thankfully the Wii version allows us all to experience the wonderments of Okami in the present day. The motion controls work great with the in-game painting mechanic, and there’s around 40 hours of this. You’ll never love a wolf more than this, unless you’re into that kind of thing. If you are then, well, ew…

No More Heroes

Last but not least is Goichi Suda’s totally crazy but deeply enthralling No More Heroes. I’d like to say that this is pretty much the only Wii title with lashings of gore (until MadWorld comes out) but, for some reason, the censors decided to censor the blood over here in Europe. It was a strange decision, but, thankfully, it doesn’t take any enjoyment away from the game

While compiling this guide I noticied that there was a Pimp My Ride Wii game. I also wondered why the hell anyone would want to play such a game, but I guess we are talking about the Wii here. I suppose you learn something new everyday, but I didn’t necessairly want to learn that!

……..

I….

What….

Seriously, what the hell are they thinking? It’s almost too easy for people to make fun of the Wii these days when you’re getting games like this coming out for it.

Firstly, the game seems to be nothing more than a bunch of mini-games loosely based on world records (because shearing a sheep seems excellent fun…), but that’s the main aspect of any Wii or DS shovelware these days.

Secondly, they get the woman with the world’s longest fingernails to appear in the trailer promoting it. If that sight isn’t terrifying enough to put you off then you’ll be horrified to know that the game also includes a mini-game where you have to grow the world’s longest fingernails. I hope that kid got paid a lot to be in a trailer with the contender for world’s scariest woman.

Don’t get me wrong here, there are some excellent Wii and DS games out there, but the market is flooded with games like Guinness World Records: The Videogame and it kind of puts me off ever taking the Wii seriously over something that I’d just get out at a party.

I don’t even know if this game is coming to Europe but it’s supposed to be coming out within the next month. Don’t buy it, I beg of you!